RE: Wait 'Til I Tell You About Natural Dog Shampoo
Dawg! Why didn't you tell me about natural dog shampoo sooner?
I'm having a miserable time here, and hating baths more than ever. You won't believe what they've been doing to me! It's like I've been thrown into doggie hell, but instead of fire and brimstone, it's suds and water! Now you may have done a complete 180 on bath time (you traitor), but after these past few weeks, I'd rather stick to the status quo.
My personal inferno started when we ran out of my usual shampoo, and the humans decided to use their own on me instead. Now I don't particularly enjoy my dog shampoo (it makes me itch and it smells a bit too strong for my taste), but I'd take that any day over what they used on me.
They lathered me with some weird blend of human shampoo and conditioner. A LOT of it, too. Do you know how that felt? Like they were burning off my skin! And my misery didn't end there. No, my skin felt like stretched plastic long after that bath. I was drying up like a prune!
Good news is that the humans noticed. Bad news is that when they did, they gave me another bath, thinking that the cure to dry skin was even more water! And since they felt they had to make it up to me for using their shampoo the last time, they bought me this big bottle of extra-strong dog shampoo.
Sound bad? Considering my skin was already drying up due to the strength of the human shampoo, yeah, it was. Really, was it too much to ask for some dog shampoo for dry skin?
As expected, my skin dried up even more after that bath. But that's not all. The shampoo gave me a rash!
Yeah, as it turns out, I was allergic to something in that bottle of @#$%. So not only did I need some dog shampoo for dry skin, I needed some dog shampoo for allergies too. And no matter how much I scratched, the rash just wouldn't go away. In fact, I think the scratching made it worse.
By the end of the week, I had a bunch of scars and my hair was falling off. And guess what the humans made of my falling hair? They saw it as a problem solved only by a single solution: more shampoo!!!
Thankfully, they had the sense to suspect that the extra-strong shampoo played a part in my plight. But those demented cuckoos thought it best to use baby shampoo instead, since it was supposed to be gentle. How many times do they have to bathe me in human shampoo before they realize it is NOT gentle?
So yes, my skin got even drier, and yes, I still have allergies. Thank God the vet told the humans to stop with the baths already. And bless his soul, he also told them to look for some good DOG shampoo (I love how he stressed the word “dog”). He even recommended some natural dog shampoo! Like you said, that shampoo is supposed to smoothen our skin, but did you know it's a great dog shampoo for allergies too? Wicked awesome.
I can't bathe for another two weeks, but I'm definitely looking forward to trying it. Problem is, my humans don't know where to buy a bottle of natural dog shampoo, so you better make sure you send me one for Christmas.
Your pal,
Moe.
P.S. Now THAT was a rant.
P.P.S. That natural dog shampoo better be worth it.