Wait Til I Tell You About Natural Dog Shampoo
I tell you Moe, it's unfair. Why do humans have it so good while we're left to live a dog's life? Whatever they want to eat, they eat it, and whenever they want to. Sleep comes easy to them in their huge beds, with their big, fluffy pillows. They have a whole room to do their business in, not just a newspaper in the corner like we do. What's more, they get to take baths everyday! ...Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Neither of us enjoys baths in particular, so maybe I can just let that go. But I can't, Moe. Not since my humans tried some natural dog shampoo on me.
Hear me out. There are a bunch of reasons why we don't like baths, right? For one, the water is ridiculously cold, or worse, heated to the degree that we feel like we're being boiled alive. Humans are stupid that way, you know that. They don't realize that we heat up more easily than they do, meaning what they deem “warm”, we define “sizzling”. Worse, the humans that do know this have a tendency to bathe us in ice-cold water! Not cool at all.
Unpleasant as that is, though, we both know the big reason we hate our bi-monthly baths is because of the shampoo most humans insist on using on us. We've been bathed with sickeningly fragrant shampoo, lathered with shampoo that only serves to irritate our skin, scrubbed with shampoo that makes our eyes sting and water, and covered from head to toe with shampoo that dries our skin more times than we cared to count.
And again our misery is owed to human ignorance, their inability to understand that our needs are different. Our skin is more sensitive, our fur is not like theirs, and we don't appreciate the same scents that they do, due in no small part to our superior sniffers.
For the longest time, our defeat has been written in suds. But for me, that all changed when my humans went out and bought me that natural dog shampoo I told you about.
That shampoo was a godsend. For the first time, humans got it right! It was surprisingly soothing, unlike all the other chemical-loaded brands that felt like acid more so than gentle cleansers. Perfect for my fur and pleasing to my senses, the natural dog shampoo lacked the overpowering aroma typical to others, and instead had a subtle scent reminiscent of the better smells outside.
And get this: it didn't just clean my coat, it made my skin feel silky smooth. That all-natural lather could very well pass as dog shampoo for dry skin because of what it can do. Nothing short of amazing.
But to be completely honest, that dog shampoo for dry skin gave me even more reason to hate my human charges. Because as great as the shampoo was, they only use it on me once or twice a month, while they have the gall to enjoy a good soak twice a day! All the more reason for me to be bitter. I swear, life isn't fair.
Well, that's all there is to this rant, Moe. I'll write you again in a couple of weeks. Hope to hear from you soon.
Your buddy,
Sparky
P.S. Expect to get a bottle of natural dog shampoo for Christmas, courtesy of yours truly.